Whenever POSSLQ is out of town, I miss him terribly. With every thing we've been through this past month, we've drawn closer than we've ever been, and I miss him something fierce already. I miss his presence, but it's surprising how much I miss the little things. Those things that almost go unnoticed until they aren't there anymore. Those things that make you love a person all the more, without even realizing it.
Because E still nurses to sleep, I take care of bedtime by myself, though POSSLQ often comes up just as E's eyelids are sliding closed. For some reason, I often get quite thirsty at bedtime. Whenever I ask for a glass of water at E's bedtime, POSSLQ brings me a glass stuffed full of ice and a straw. I love it. It's so much more than a glass of water - it's a reminder of the early days of nursing, when he was constantly at my side with a glass of ice water. It's a loving gesture that's existed for the past three years, not quite a night time ritual, but definitely a thoughtful action at least once a week.
When E is playing by himself, sometimes he says and does really hilarious things. I know I can look up and catch POSSLQ's eye, and we will share a smile over this funny little person we created. It's amazing how much a glance can convey. Even when we are in a bad place, E's antics can bring us together and make us laugh. He has a talent for diffusing a situation with his silly little boy humor, and when he plays alone he doesn't even know he's being funny - he's just being himself.
When we are driving in the car, POSSLQ will often reach his hand out and place it gently and silently on my knee. It's something he's done for years. I can't remember exactly when it started, but I know how it makes me feel, and he often reaches out even when we've been arguing. It's not exactly a peacemaking gesture in that context, but more of a "this too shall pass." It's a comfort, and often melts my frustration away. His hand rested on my knee most of the trip to the bus station on Friday, and my knee felt awfully cold on the drive home.
POSSLQ has a knack for knowing exactly what I'm craving at the grocery store. He'll go to get dinner supplies, and come back with my favorite ice cream. Right now there's a box of ice cream in the freezer, but I know when that is gone, I'll have to remember to treat myself, or be without ice cream until August.
Often I come home from work and the dishes are washed, or the living area tidied. Many mornings, I come downstairs and the toys that were left strewn about at bedtime are all in their proper places. The last few days, things seem to be exactly as I left them - messy.
After E falls asleep, POSSLQ and I often lay in bed together cuddling or talking. This is a new ritual for us, and I'm missing it now. When we first started dating, we would lay in bed for hours and talk. Somewhere in the middle, that stopped, unless we were arguing. But now, we've reclaimed bedtime for sharing thoughts and experiences from the day, insights into our relationship, and exchanging funny anecdotes. He usually takes care of locking the door, turning out the lights, and switching our bed lamp off at night. The past two mornings, I've woken at 3 AM to see the lamp still burning, and crawling across the empty bed to turn it off makes me a little sad.
It's the little things that make us fall in love, and the little things that keep us in love. It's the little things we miss most when our beloved is away, and the little things we treasure most when they return. I can't wait for the day he returns home - his warm hand on my knee on the car ride home, sharing a smile at some adorable action from E, trading hours of adventures while cuddled with our sleeping boy next to us.