Monday, December 28, 2015

FIVE

Today my sweet son turns five. Last night as we joked that we might cancel his birthday, and he would stay four forever, he very firmly said, "You can't cancel my birthday, I'll be five anyway." And he's right - as much as we might like them to stay little longer, time just keeps moving, babies keep growing, and children get bigger and wiser.

This morning, I am up early -just as I am many mornings- trying to get a head start on the day, and catch a few minutes to myself. But this morning is different than many mornings. The early morning hours of E's birthday always remind me of the early morning hours of his birthing day, a time when we were losing ground in our fight to preserve our birth experience. This day of celebration always begins with me remembering the powerlessness, the victimization I felt. I'm thankful for these few minutes alone early in the day, when he's not awake yet, to acknowledge those feelings, and ask them to keep moving. This day is our birthing day, but mostly it's his birthday, and it's a joyous day.

Today I have rebel snacks to make, and galactic playdough to create. Today I have a little boy who wants a "real party" with friends and cupcakes and games. Today my son will be FIVE. So today I will take a few minutes for myself, and then I'll get to work. And when the rest of my house awakens, we will celebrate this beautiful, bright, silly soul. DH will give me a squeeze, reminding me that he remembers too, and then we will begin cooking birthday breakfast. It's not every day you turn five, and I intend to make it the happiest of days.