Friday, August 8, 2014

As Summer Draws Closed...

I looked back at my posts from the past few months, and it's just shocking that I only posted about once a month. Sometimes, writing is my refuge, my sanity. Other times, I find I'm too busy to jot down two words. 

This summer has been eventful, busy, and wonderful for our family. It's been chaotic at times, but when I keep in mind the trials we have seen in the past, this summer was much less challenging. The heartbreak that found us last year is healing well, and the upheaval that came from so many life changes has started to settle into a new routine.

Early in the summer, DH and I came up on the anniversary of our world crumbling. It came a month and some change after our marriage, and just a few short weeks after our return from Alaska. I didn't write about it at the time because it was actually anticlimactic.

I dreaded the dates in early June for quite a while before they came, worried about my reaction (especially considering my emotionally vulnerable state), worried about being sucked right back to that terrifying place, worried about how I would react and interact with DH during that time period.

In reality, I should hardly have worried. Yes, I noticed the D-dates of early June, days on which events occurred that rocked my life to its core. Yes, I paid special attention to my emotional well-being, and to DH's, just like he did with me. But the great falling apart, the reason I had a sense of foreboding during the last days of May? It never happened. Those early days in June, looking back, were barely a blip on my radar.

Both before and after the anniversary of our trauma, DH and I continued the work of repairing, rebuilding, and renewing our relationship. We've been out of therapy for several months now, but our work, just like the work of all couples, is never finished. We have our good days and our bad, and the emotional roller coaster of my hormones provided us with new challenges, which we gladly met and overcame.

As the summer progressed, our little family was keeping a secret - a secret that connects lovers in new ways, redefines the roles of little boys, and provides parents with an opportunity to heal old wounds. At mid summer we shared our joy with friends and family, in a quiet, low-key way. We met the woman who will help us through this journey, and we've started to make plans for the event we hope will bring our healing full circle.

Now, as summer wanes, our focus is on the annual festival, a labor of love for our little friend-family, a great undertaking for a small group of people who share a big vision. We spend our evenings in organizational details, in paperwork, in cutting and laminating and sharing meals and laughs with our best friends. 

Summer is always a busy time for us. Adding in the extra layers of continuing to heal, adapting to more change, and preparing our family for our new addition has made it even busier, in such a wonderful way. My heart is full of our adventures, and my spirit is already leaning toward the next great adventure.