Sunday, March 2, 2014

Shameful Secret Saturday #3

Shameful secret - my kid gets into some AWFUL shenanigans. He's mischief, pure and simple. He's so bright, and so independent, and constantly into something. It sounds like we never watch him. Like we leave him alone for hours on end. But, in truth, it's SHOCKING what he can accomplish in just a few minutes of silence. Here's some of the mischief (the list is SO long) that he's managed in his three years.

Ten months old... So... Why do they put child proof lids on medicine? Because precocious 10 month olds like mine can unscrew regular lids and smear 1/4 inch thick layer of $9 lotion on their legs. Ask me how I know.

Fifteen months old... Tonight I found him rubbing deodorant all over himself. He got a tube of lip tint off my dresser yesterday, and looked really adorable with shimmery stuff all over his face. I have a feeling I have one of those kids - you know, the ones who drive their parents to the brink of insanity because they are in to EVERYTHING. (Yes, Mama of two years ago, this is Mama of the future. Your suspicions are right. You have one of those kids. Sit back and enjoy the ride.)

Sixteen months old... Okay. So. E painted my mom's living room carpet with teriyaki sauce this morning. Looked like a Jackson Pollack. I don't even want to talk about how he got a bottle of teriyaki sauce...

Seventeen months old... Ugh. E just wrote all over his legs with Sharpie. I don't even know where he got the thing! I was in the kitchen baking, and I realized was being incredibly quiet.

So, that sets the stage. Mischievous child. In the past WEEK, this is what he's been into.

I walked into the bathroom the other night and he chewed the toothpaste tube into a barely recognizable mess. He looked up and said, "I was just trying to get some on my finger like Daddy said it was okay." (By the way, I confirmed with Daddy that he did not, in fact, tell E that is was okay to eat toothpaste off your finger.)

We visited the local library a few days ago. E was working some puzzles, so I went to the front of the children's section to find some books. I heard him say, "Mama!" and as I came back around the stacks, he was standing there with his pants around his knees and saying, "I need to poop and there's no bathroom at the library."
This is not the first pants-around-the-knees incident we've had. E has indecent exposure in Five Guy's, the coffee shop, Target, and a few other places.

Last week, I made chocolate drizzled shortbreads for my essential oils class. I left several on the counter before leaving home, and when I got home, DP had put them all away. I thanked him, and he said, "Well, after E ate all the chocolate off the third cookie, I thought it was time to hide them."

This week, I made lemon cream cheese cookies for a class. I left them to cool on the rack, and when I came back, there were only six cookies where there had been nine.

This morning, I heard him go upstairs, but then it got very quiet. ALWAYS a bad sign. I quietly went up the stairs, and saw a lump on his bed under his covers. When I pulled back the blanket, there sat my son, with a package of cream cheese in his hand.

And speaking of, I can hear him banging around upstairs again. Better go check...

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