Monday, August 5, 2013

Reconnection

POSSLQ and I are exactly two months into our new journey. It's been nine weeks since our lives were turned upside down, our relationship tested, our love pushed to the breaking point. We had tough choices to make, and night after night of challenging, heartbreaking discussion. It was hard, but we were both committed to the changes we need to make. There were days when it seemed like we would never be above water again. There were days when it seemed like we just couldn't get on the same page. But there was never a day when it seemed easier to give up.

Suddenly, a few days before he went out of town, things started to look up. The black cloud that was polluting our relationship rolled back as we both started to heal, as understanding and forgiveness started to overtake hurt and confusion. Love was always there, but it was now beginning to rise above the pain. Things were looking up.

Then, POSSLQ got on that bus. The first few days were tough but not impossible. Then, after a week of separation, my mind started to get dark again. I was getting drawn into the things that made forgiveness hard, the facts that made the hurt feel impossible to escape. And when I expressed those feelings to Chris, he responded in truly heroic fashion. He turned my focus around in just a few hours. As I said in Feeling So Loved, he began to shower me with little messages, and changed the topic of our conversation away from the mundane day-to-day. We started talking about our relationship and our future, our hopes for ourselves and each other, our dreams for our family. We concentrated on how to reconnect and strengthen our relationship, and had many revelations about how to prevent a relapse of the disconnect we've felt for so many years.

When I finally picked him up after his adventure, I couldn't believe how close we felt, even though we'd been apart for two weeks. We are in tune in a way we haven't been in years. He is a person who I thought was lost. I thought the fun-loving, silly, sweet side of him had been lost forever, but the truth is, he was buried under years of poor communication, lack of connection, and the burdens of a routine you feel like you can't escape. The past few days have been a blast. We have rediscovered a facet of our relationship that we haven't seen in years. We can sit on the couch and just be, and actually feel connected. We can talk for hours and not run out of things to say. We feel young again, and energized, and happy.

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