Thursday, June 20, 2013

A Big Big Love

Sometimes I think I have "it" mostly figured out. I am, after all, over 30. I'm a mama and a partner. A homemaker, a little bit of a farm girl. It seems like my ducks are mostly in a row.

But just when I start to settle into that feeling, the Earth moves. Giant chunks of life start falling away, exposing that tender meat underneath. I feel like I'm standing on the edge of the cliff, and the rocks are crumbling under my toes and echoing down the canyon.

I've learned more about life, myself, and my family in the past two weeks than I ever would have thought possible. Those truths that I always took for granted are gone. Those securities I always felt are replaced by ugly little fears.

I've learned that I am stronger than I ever expected. I love BIGGER and more completely than I ever thought possible. I have more capacity for tolerance, forgiveness, patience, and honesty than I knew. I'm proud of myself.

My past, like most others', leaves my calendar with a few D-days, and now there's another. There's hurt and anger and frustration and lack of understanding, but there's also a LOVE that seems to dwarf all those other things.

I don't know if love can truly overcome all things, but in my life right now, it's doing a damn good job. There's a long road to recovery, and the best I can do is pave it with love and openness, and hope those things make it smooth enough for comfortable travel.

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